Reasons Don't Matter
by linwe viper emily nolatari
Summary: Can love really bloom in the misdt of war? And if it can bloom, can it survive through a second war? What is love, and did it ever exist?basically a story and the analysis of what happened to Cagalli & Athrun...Done...sequel coming soon...What Came After
1. Chapter 1

Well I've been reading so much fan fiction about them that I decided to write my own….i'm kinda basing this on many sources, such as the manga, episode summaries, what I've actually seen of the anime and other fan fictions…..

P.s. I Do Not Own this story or else y would I be writing a fan fiction about it?

Now read….and enjoy…(I hope)

It didn't matter how or why; the thing was that it was broken. But was it really broken, or was it still fixable? None of that mattered if the two people involved didn't try to work it out.

When it comes to human emotion and sentimentality, the only ones capable of understanding are the humans themselves, but sometimes even those humans can't understand their own emotions. This is when things get complicated…when humans can't understand what they are feeling and they end up hurting themselves more.

Whether it be in times of peace or in times of war, love blossoms and dies every day, every minute, every second, but this was a love that shouldn't have ended, at least not how it end the way it did. It is painful too watch.

It was a love that blossomed in the middle of a war; a war that divided two races, two people. From both sides of the battlefield, they came together. One cool-headed and collected, the other, hot-headed and temperamental, both had the right reason, nobody had the right reason.

It really was a complex story.

Meeting in the middle of a war has never been a good place for love to bloom, and this really wasn't the exception.

Given, they did not meet during a battle, but met due to a consequence of a battle.

Love didn't bloom, it was an attraction, two people with some chemistry, that was it. It may have bloomed into love, if it was properly nourished. If it is properly nourished, please forgive me for my mistake, there is still a chance.


	2. Chapter 2

She really hated crying, and she wasn't going to give him the pleasure of seeing her cry. It was his lost.

That rejection hurt, it hurt a lot. She couldn't say that she loved him, not yet, but she could say that she had growing feelings for him. They had spent the last two years together, and she couldn't deny that. If the circumstances of what happened had been different, who knows maybe…no, she knew exactly what would happen, she would eventually love him, but that was now over. If he hadn't flaked out on her, if only…. damn him! If he had not flaked on her, if he had stuck by her side, then that slowly blooming love would have been unbreakable, not perfect, because nothing is perfect, but still unbreakable.

Why did he have to be so insecure? He never really knew what he wanted, his convictions were never really set in stone, it was as if he never really harbored any thoughts of his own. He really was unreliable, and until he could resolve his insecurity issues, nothing could happen between himself and others.

She wanted to hate him, but hate doesn't come as easy as people might think. Yes, she resented him, but she didn't hate him…. at least not yet.

"Grrrrr! I can't believe I am actually going through with this! Why am I doing this1' she asked herself. Why was she going to marry a man she felt absolutely nothing but repulsion for? In other times, nobody could have bullied her into something so dumb. Maybe this was her subconscious attempt at revenge. Yes, revenge, she wanted him to suffer, even if it was also hurting her.

'You can't go through with this Cagalli. This is crazy and you know it!' Her brother, Kira had tried to reason with her, but she was stubborn and wouldn't listen.

She had countered with a lame 'You know I've no choice', but Kira thought otherwise. She had a choice; she just wasn't willing to decide for the best one.

'By the way, Kira, can you get rid of this.' She said, handing him the ring that _he_ had given her. It was a promise ring, ha, what a joke! He had given it to her shortly before the second war started, and then he had left her without much to say shortly after the war started. The ring was a sign of what might have been, but now it was obsolete, the ring lost all it's sentimental value the day he decided to walk out of her life. Well, screw him!

And now that day had come. She had to drag herself to her own wedding.

"What a drag." She mumbled as she got to the place where the ceremony was going to take place. She saw many people congregated there, but the person she was hoping to see was not there. She suddenly felt so lonely. Nobody that she knew, or cared about was there, nobody wanted to see her do that. Nobody liked the groom; she didn't like the groom. God what was she doing?

Somewhere deep in her subconscious she had hoped that he would come and carry her away, like in the movies, but this was real life. The ceremony went underway, and she started to get even more restless. As the pastor droned on and on, she remembered a "conversation" she had had with her to-be groom. A conversation that she had pushed to her subconscious and the thought of it was now making her nauseous. She just wanted the ceremony to end before she jumped off the pyramid where the ceremony was taking place.

'You're a virgin, right?' Yuna asked out of the blue.

'What kind of stupid questions are you asking? Why do you care anyway?' Cagalli had retorted angrily.

The idiot had given her a smile, 'It's elementary, honey, you have been spending to much time alone with that bodyguard of yours, and well I wouldn't want to buy used and/or defective merchandise.'

She should have killed him then. 'What are you implying? He's a gentleman, and besides, what is it to you? This 'marriage', if it ever comes to pass, will be a political one, so it wouldn't matter what I have been doing with my sex life!'

'No, no, political or not, a marriage is a marriage, but I am glad to hear that that bodyguard is a gentleman, I don't have to worry then.'

How come she hadn't gotten it then? How come she had 'forgotten' about it when the marriage deal did consolidate? Why was she thinking of that now? It was too late, but the thought of being touched by the groom sickened her. He as a person sickened her, so why, why would she want to have sex with him? Even if he was going to be her husband why? She knew that he could care less for her, but she also knew that there was nothing she could do to prevent it. After the ceremony, that night, she would officially become Yuna's wife. She felt like she was going to barf, but then it happened. A miracle.

Like in the movies, the hand of God (Or what it seemed to be the hand of god, but it was just Kira's gundam) descended from the heavens and stole her away.

For some strange reason, she was angry though. A moment before she had wanted to commit suicide before having sex with Yuna, but now, she was angry. Maybe it was because this was done without her consent, or maybe because she felt even stupider that she was going to marry Yuna, seeing what a coward he was.

After being safely boarded on to the Archangel, Kira came by her room.

"Here, take this." He said, handing her the ring.

"What do I want with this? Didn't I tell you to get rid of it?" she asked angrily, but secretly relived that he hadn't thrown it away.

"It's yours. Now you have no reason to hide it, you are not bound to anyone. If you want to get rid of it, you do it with your own two hands." Kira told her. She clutched the ring in her hand and shoved it in her pocket.

It seemed that no matter how hard she tried to run away from a phantom, the phantom just wouldn't let go. I guess there are some ties that are not easily severed, as there are memories that are not so easily discarded.

But life moves on with or without the ring.


	3. Chapter 3

Miriallia meant good, but it was very awkward meeting. They both acted as if they were two complete strangers speaking about business. Kira and Miriallia could cut the tension with a knife.

They had separated themselves from Kira and Miriallia, so that they could speak in private, but it was too awkward.

He noticed that she wasn't wearing his ring, but who could blame her? Still his old anger crept up again.

"I heard you were going to marry." He said looking at that had that once held his ring.

"Yeah I was, but…you know, things happen." She said, knowing that he probably already knew what had happened.

"Yes I heard something about it." An awkward silence followed.

"Well…" she started, breaking the silence, "I guess this is goodbye, Alex."

He was stunned. Literally petrified. He couldn't say that he might have heard wrong, his ears were very perceptive, but at that moment he'd wished his hearing wasn't as good.

It hurt, and it hurt a lot. She didn't acknowledge him; she had called him 'Alex'. In her mind, did he not even deserve to be called by his name? Had he hurt her that much that she thought he deserved not being called his birth name? Did his name hurt her that much? Men don't cry, because if they did, a new river would have to be drawn on the maps. It hurt that much.

'Alex', yes that was who he was. 'Alex' had been her bodyguard, to the public; 'Alex' was just that, a bodyguard. 'Alex' was not her friend, her companion, nothing, that person had another name. That person was Athrun. But now he was dead, and in his place, only 'Alex' remained. It had hurt to do what she did, but it had been necessary, she couldn't call him 'Athrun' anymore. It was broken.

"Well that went well." She said sarcastically.

Kira didn't know how to reply, so he said nothing.

"You know, you don't have to stay here, I'm all right, you can stop making that face!" she said suddenly exasperated by her brother's behavior.

"I'll leave." He said and walked out of the room.

Once she was left alone she had a lot of time to think about things. Things couldn't remain the way they were, she knew that. She knew that some day, somehow they would have to sit down and talk, openly and freely, about everything that was left unsaid. If they didn't, all the pretty memories, the sincere feelings, everything would turn dark and warped. She didn't want to become some cranky person, full of bitterness, she wanted to be able to live in peace and look back at their time together with a smile on her face. Even if there was no hope for them as a couple, she hoped that they could remain friends, but before that could happen, they would have to talk, and leave everything in the open. Maybe after the war was over, she would try to talk to him again. Maybe….


	4. Chapter 4

He didn't like the way things went. He didn't. Now that he was alone, he had time to think about that meeting. It had been a bad idea. If he knew that neither of them was going to change his or her mind, why did he go? What exactly did he hope to accomplish by going? Sheesh, he knew that both of them are stubborn, and he also knew that just like him, she was fighting on the other side for her beliefs, but what were his beliefs? He didn't have an answer, why was he here, on this ship? He didn't know why he was fighting; it was the same as back then….

'And why is it the you are fighting for, Athrun Zala?' His ex-fiancé, Lacus Clyne, had asked him. 'Is it because your father ordered you?'

He had not been able to answer. The girl was sweet most of the time, but that day, she had got him good. It was on that day that he decided to confront his best friend and ask him man-to-man, why was he fighting. And his friend had an answer. He didn't. It didn't matter if he joined their side, he still didn't know what he was doing…maybe he only joined their side because she was there? She did knock some since into him, she did hugged them and told them they were idiots, and he did become her bodyguard after the war…but something still nagged him…and it was that he still hadn't found himself.

He saw as all his friends settled into their lives after the war, they all moved on, with conviction, yet he was still left hanging. Even now, the one girl he wanted seemed to be moving on just fine without him, even she had a mission in life, a plan.

What is it that he wanted out of life? He didn't know.

There were three girls after him on the ship. He had no particular interest in any of them, but maybe he should give one of them a chance. But who? He knew that he did not like his ex-fiancé's look-alike, Mia Campbell. She seemed too conniving, too sluty, like she didn't really want him as much as she wanted his body. Then there were the sisters, Lunamaria and Meyrin Hawke. Lunamaria was nice, but so was Meyrin. It was hard, it would not be good to pit two sisters against each other, ah, life was hard. Maybe he shouldn't try after all, and just wait to see what came.

What came? He didn't try, the girls were still there, but Lunamaria seemed to have moved on to another guy, Shinn Asuka. The guy had issues, but at least he knew why he was there. He was glad that Lunamaria had moved on, but he still didn't know if he should give Meyrin a chance. Mia was out of the question.

Meyrin proved her worth and her devotion to him. She owes her his life. If it weren't fro the girl lying on his behalf he would have been dead. Why did he instinctively run to her room? He didn't quite know, but the girl was sweet, and maybe, just maybe he was using her feelings for him to his advantage. The thing was, she didn't disappoint, and she came through. She even went as far as to activate the emergency alarms to get them off guard, but then she also had to run. Just like him she had become a traitor.


	5. Chapter 5

They were found holding on to each other. If it had been a different situation, and if it had involved a different person, she might have even said that they looked cute. Oh whom was she kidding, she couldn't be a bitch and say that they weren't cute, eyes don't lie. They did look cute together.

"Where…" he started, realizing that he was not dead.

When she heard him mumble, she slowly turned towards him. "Hmmm, no matter how hard you are hit you won't die." She told him. Her words were joking, but her face showed otherwise. She was worried, but she still carried a dignified look, she didn't want to cry like an idiot for no reason. He _wasn't_ going to die!

He gave her a sly smile, "Ah, I see how it is, you want me to die."

She gave him a forced smile, "Yes, that way I can finally live in peace."

He was going to give her another sly remark, when he suddenly remembered the girl he had been with. Meyrin.

"How is she?" he asked, clearly worried.

She turned her head towards the bed beside him. "She'll survive. I was wondering how she ended up in the condition she is now?"

"I am glad. I couldn't live with myself if anything had happened to her because of me." He said.

She turned and smiled at him, a sad look in her eyes.

"You are always causing trouble, you are a danger to society."

"I know, if it weren't for me, right now Meyrin could be back at the Minerva with her sister, instead she is in that condition and being hunt down for being a traitor."

"So her name is Meyrin?"

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Cute girl, you should really take care of her, she looks like a nice person."

He couldn't really believe what he was hearing, had she just complimented Meyrin? But then again, what did he expect? That she was going to throw a tantrum? He really was an idiot.

He was about to say something, but she cut him off, "Don't say anything, it's not the time or place, we will have time to talk some other time. For now rest, I'll be leaving." With that said, she quietly walked out of the room.

Along the way, she met up with Lacus, who at some point had been his fiancé.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Yes, everything is fine. When he's ready, we'll talk."

"I am glad." Lacus said.

She smiled, "That girl seems like she's really sweet, you know, I kinda envy her."

"It's natural that you envy her, that means that all your senses are working and that you still have some feelings for Athrun." Lacus stated.

"I didn't mean I envy her in a bad way, it's just that she seems better in tune with her feelings and the feelings of others, sorta like you. I mean, I am stubborn, hot-headed, and basically will say whatever is on my mind, I don't really have consideration for others."

Lacus just smiled. She had the tendency of doing that a lot, but with that smile she said more than words could ever say.  
"I get it, I am me." Cagalli voiced Lacus' thoughts.

Lacus just smiled again.

She could never understand how this twin thing worked. Kira was kinda an airhead, a crybaby and sweet, so it was only natural that he would become friends with people that were similar to him, right? But then, where did she fit in? During that first war, and after it, she had become and remained friends with many people who were also Kira's friends, and both had good relationships with them? But how? She was all the opposite of her twin, she was a tomboy, hotheaded girl. How could they share the same friends? She'd always imagined her friends to be gangsters, or something of that sort, not calm, sweet, people.

That talk with Lacus, as well as her 'meeting' Meyrin had shaken her perception of herself. Why would anybody like her? Why would he choose her, who had no visible attributes, over the girl that lay in the bed besides him? A girl that was cute, and that she was almost certain was a very nice person. Why? She had no hope of winning against her, in her mind she had already given up.

'_You, you're a girl?' Kira had asked, surprised._

'_What did you think I was!' she asked angry.'_

'_I…uh…_' but he never finished. The bomb had cut him off, but still, what could he have said?

She hadn't seen him since that initial encounter, but still some things hadn't changed.

'_You, you're a girl?' Kira had asked, surprised_

'_Grrrr! Hadn't we gotten over this already you jackass!' she had answered. _

'_It was just that…. just that…. you look so different…' he finished lamely._

And still, Kira had forgotten that she was a girl. That day when they went to the enemy's home, she got to play dress-up, and it had been a while since she'd worn a dress. No wonder Kira was surprised, who could blame him?

And then….

'_AAAAAHHHHHHH!'_

'_I've never heard a soldier scream like that.'_

_She blushed._

'_Wait, you are a girl?'_

Yes that was how they met. Even he had thought that she was a guy.

"Crap!" she woke up from her dream/nightmare.

"Crap, Crap, Crap!" she was angry.

"I've been an idiot. I have been thinking like a damn wimpy girl!" she reprimanded herself. She walked to her the bathroom and looked herself in the mirror, 'Cagalli, you have been acting like an idiot. Whatever happens, you can't run away from it, like you cannot blame it on her.'

She splashed some water on her face and walked out of the room.

It was time to talk.


	6. Chapter 6

Getting there wasn't easy. She still had that nasty nagging feeling in the back of her mind, but it was now or never. Before this situation blew out of proportion, she needed to talk and hear his answer.

"O.K., I came here to talk openly and honestly." She stated.

"Alright."

"I can't go on like this, carrying around these feelings. I want you to know that I like you, but don't feel forced to respond in any way. These feelings are there, I can't do anything about them yet, but I also couldn't go on pretending that I didn't feel anything for you, or else I would start to develop a burden too huge to carry, and I don't want that. I want to keep the memories of us together in a nice little package, and I want to be able to go to those memories and smile. If I didn't tell you all this now, you would walk out of my life again and those feelings left unsaid would start to consume me alive, little by little, until only bitterness remained. I want to be happy, with or without you, but first I need to let go of you, and I know it won't be easy. It's been too many things, too many memories, but it's ok, I'm young, I'll survive, and if you leave with her, I'll feel even more relieved. At least I'll know that you left with a nice girl." She fell silent.

He didn't have an answer.

"I apologize for making you suffer. I don't have an answer for you, I'm sorry, but also I have nothing with her." He said, pointing at Meyrin's inert body. "I get the feeling that you're trying to push me into her arms. Is that it? Do you want to push me away from you?" he asked, pain audible in his voice.

"I don't. I don't want to do anything, but I want this pain to stop. I am not pushing you to do anything, but I think it be wise to try to move on, we've hurt each other so much, that I don't think we can be together, at least not right now. We need to let these wounds heal. If we don't give each other this time, in the future, any and every time we fight or have a confrontation, all this is going to resurface and destroy what we have fought so much to gain; besides you don't even have an answer for me. I am not saying to marry her, I am just saying that if you have to choose, then choose her, (or me) not some idiot pretty girl, but if you do choose to give her a chance don't do to her what you did to me. Nobody deserves that. Do whatever your gut tells you to, but please, I am begging you, give me an answer soon. I can't go on like this, hoping for something that might never happen." She was crying by now. The tears fell freely. He felt like crying.

"I really am an idiot. I am sorry for making you cry, I am sorry for everything that I've done, but I still cannot give you an answer. Actually I can, but I don't want to. I don't want to because I don't know what I want to do. Maybe it is that I am a coward. I am scared of compromise; of getting hurt, even if I am hurting right this moment. I can 't face those fears yet."

"Typical. You could never do anything on your own could you? But I am not the one to tell you what to do. This time, you need to decide for yourself. I am glad to know that you did like me, and now I know that I shouldn't wait for you any longer. It is all now in fate's hands." She had regained her composure, the tears were gone.

He had turned his face away from her. He couldn't face her any longer. He felt like trash, he was trash.

"Well, I think I've talked too much, you must be tired, so I'll let you rest." She got up from the bed and walked away never turning back.

He would never be able to forget that.

People I have to apologize for my grammar errors, its just that I type this as I go, and so fast that I miss them. I'll try to double-check, but…. well I can't promise anything.lol….

Thanx 4 reading tho…


	7. Chapter 7

That talk had taken a lot out of her. She was out of energy.

"How are you feeling?" Lacus asked her.

"Huh?"

"I know that you went to talk to him."

"Oh that, I am feeling better. Whoa, I feel a million times lighter, like I can fly. It's weird, I thought I would feel sadder, especially since he didn't have an answer for me, but it's the opposite."

"I am glad to hear that. Hopefully he'll be able to give you an answer soon."

"I highly doubt it, but you know, I am not expecting an answer any longer. Whatever happens now, I will leave up to fate. If this is meant to be, even if it take us fifty years, we will be together in the end!"

Lacus smiled.

"You know, you're lucky. My brother can be an airhead, a crybaby and whatever else you'd like, but at least he knows what he wants. I mean, he hasn't flaked out on you, and I don't think that he will. He's determined to protect you."

"He is a nice person. I am glad I met him."

"I think anybody would be glad to have met him."

Another smile.

"Everyone, to battle stations!" a voice commanded.

"Well that was the end of this conversation." Cagalli said, running towards the bridge.

"How are you feeling?"

He turned around to face his ex. "Lacus?"

"Yes, it's been a long time hasn't it, Athrun?"

"Yes, it has. What have you been doing during this time?"

"I was living with Kira and the orphans at the orphanage, but must have heard the story."

"You're always so perceptive. You are not here for small talk, are you?"

"I'm worried about you. You still don't know why you are fighting for, do you? Why are you fighting? For justice? For glory? I do not understand why you would fight your friends and hurt them. That is all."

"I am scared. Despite my mature appearance I am a child. I have now realized that. Compared to all of you, I haven't matured at all. I might be a good tactician, but my people skills are lacking. I have this fear of losing people that I cared about. I've lost my father and mother, I've lost a friend who died for me, my best friend was fighting against me, I've lost too much, and I am afraid of losing again."

" That is a valid excuse. At least you have a reason as to why you did the things that you did, but don't forget, we have also lost people in these wars. Have you forgotten that you still have friends that care about you? You are not alone, we have all been hurt, I also lost my father, but I haven't given up. You can't be afraid of getting hurt, because everyone gets hurt, even by the persons they love the most, but you know what? If they really love each other, they will apologize."

"You know, Cagalli told me that no matter what I said, we needed some time apart to heal, or else, we would just destroy each other."

"That was wise of her. Give yourself time." Lacus got up and waleked to the door.

"Lacus, thank you."

She turned and gave him her signature smile.

Now he knew what he had to do.

He couldn't run any longer.


	8. Chapter 8

Things kept happening and he didn't get the chance to tell her what he wanted. It wasn't until after the war ended and everything sort of settled down that he had time to talk to her again.

"I can finally give you an answer."

"Huh? This is unexpected, I wasn't expecting anything from you, especially not this soon."

"I apologize deeply and sincerely. I was just running away, being a coward. I do like you; I've always liked you. Since the beginning."

She smiled, "Well I am happy. I hope this works."

"Yeah"

"But not right now, I need time, and who knows what might happen. I am going back home, and you still have some things to do, maybe along the way you and I will find different paths to follow. Besides, you already have a fan girl. She said smiling, as Meyrin approached. She had been right. Meyrin was nice and bubbly.

"Athrun!' she called out to him.

"Hello Meyrin." He said. The poor girl was out of breath.

"I am so out of shape. Oh hello Cagalli." She said, gasping for air.

"Hello Meyrin, are you 100 healed now?" Cagalli asked.

"Oh yes, physically. In here," she said, pointing at her heart, "I still need some work,"

It had not been east fighting her sister, even if it hadn't been physically. It was emotionally. Her sister was hurt because she had defected with a 'traitor', and right now they were estranged.

"Everything will work out, I promise." Athrun assured her. Since it was his fault that Meyrin was in the situation she was in, he decided to leave with her and help her do things right.

"Well Cagalli, until we meet again, take care." Athrun said, stretching out his hand towards her.

She took his hand, "Yes, until we meet again."

She stood there and watched them disappear from her view. It seemed like Meyrin was saying something amusing, because she could see Athrun smiling. She smiled at their disappearing figures.

Oddly enough it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would.


	9. Chapter 9

Time passes and people move on.

Cagalli had been a very busy woman upon arriving back home. She had to clean up the mess her stupid, now dead, ex-groom-to-be, and his father had done. Peace treaties, conferences, community service, all were driving her crazy.

"I don't think I can take much more of this.' She mumbled to herself. Oh how she wished Yuna was alive so that she could have the pleasure of killing him all over again.

'Damn you!' she screamed out loud.

"Princess, how are you feeling?" the always faithful Kisaka asked, coming in.

"Overwhelmed. Ever since returned, I had no time to breathe. It's been paperwork, meetings, charity events, this is more than I ever did during the war. If Yuna was alive, I would kill him again, slowly and painfully, that bastard."

What could Kisaka say? "Princess, sitting there and complaining all day is not going to help that stack of paper get any smaller, the sooner you get to work on that, the faster you will have time for yourself."

"Grrrr, I know, I know, but I barely became legal, and I already don't have a life, it's not fair! Whoever thinks being a princess is all fun and games, they are so wrong. They can have my life any day."

"Please don't say that Cagalli, if your father could hear you, what would he say?"

"Kisaka, if father was alive, I wouldn't be in this mess right now."

Kisaka left Cagalli to finish off the paperwork. After the war, she had to make diplomatic advances with other countries, because all ties had been severed during the course of the war.

"It feels so good to be able to breathe again." She said. All the paperwork was done, and her life had just gotten much easier. The only thing left to do was throw a huge ball for all her diplomatic allies to attend.

Everyone was invited, she wanted to have good relations with everyone, that would just make her life easier.

"What are you wearing?" Lacus asked her.

"My uniform. This is a diplomatic reunion, after all." Cagalli said.

"You haven't changed."

"I just feel more comfortable that way. Besides, I want all those diplomats to see that I mean business and that this isn't just a social event."

"You planned everything out perfectly."

"I had been sitting in that office for the past two months, working, it gave me time to think this through."

The ball was a success. Everybody went, and she got to see _all _ of her friends.

'Wearing your uniform I see, you never change.' A voice behind her said.

She twirled around to see who the owner of the voice was. It was him.

'Hey, you!' she greeted him, giving him a tight hug. "How are things going?"

'Eh, not so good, I'm still trying to work things out with Meyrin.'

'Speaking of which, where is Meyrin?'

"She's in the ladies room.'

It had been great to be able to talk to him, they spoke like old friends and it felt great. All the pain was gone, and only the sheer joy of him being there remained. She was all smiles. To say the truth, she had missed him.

But it still wasn't their time.


	10. Chapter 10

'You look happy.' Meyrin pointed out.

'I do?"

'Yes, you do. I mean happier than I'd ever seen you since I met you.'

'Really?'

'I'm sorry. I'm keeping you away from her because I can't resolve my own problems. It's ok, you can leave me, I'll see how I make this work.'

'I can't do that. It was because of me that you and your sister are not talking, and she is the only person you have. The least I can do is help you.'

'But I feel bad, I don't want to take your happiness away.'

'If I can get you and your sister back on talking terms, then no matter how long that takes I will be by your side. I am going to help you do this because I have never been sure of anything in my life until now, and because if I leave like this to pursue my own selfish reasons, I will never be happy.'

She now remembered why she had that crush on him; it was because he was nice. It was a silly crush, she knew nothing about him, other than he was nice, but now she knew otherwise. The more she got to know him, the fonder she grew of him, but it was not a romantic kind of feeling. She felt like he had become her older brother.

'Thank you.' She said.

'It is nothing. I remember she once told me that she would leave everything to fate, and I am going to do the same. Whatever happens next will only be our fault, not yours.'

He never knew Lunamaria could be that stubborn, but I guess she was really hurt. The reconciliation took longer than he had predicted, but now he was ready to leave and see if there was still a chance. He hadn't seen her since the night she had that ball, and he didn't know if she had moved on or not. She said that she wasn't going to wait for him, but did she really mean it? He was afraid to find out.

"Don't you think you should get yourself a boyfriend?" Miriallia asked her.

"Nah, let me enjoy my freedom a little longer. I just finished off a mountain of work, the last thing I need is a guy breathing down my neck."

"Is that your only reason why you are not looking? Or are you still waiting for him?"

"Mir, you're my friend, so stop blabbing stupidities. It's not that I am waiting for him, it's just that there hasn't been a guy that I really like."

"Sorry for even saying that."

"Yeah, why not worry about _your_ boyfriend issues? Since you broke up with whatshisname I haven't seen you looking either" Cagalli said slyly.

"Fine, I'll shut up already. I don't want you bringing _him_ up. That relationship was a mistake."

"Was he that bad?" Cagalli asked incredulous.

"Does 'Casanova' answer your question? But getting serious, we just weren't ready for it. We went into a relationship to fast. I barely knew his name, and he barely knew mine. Besides I was emotionally unstable, with Tolle dying and all that. It was a mistake."

"Heh, I guess we were all fools, huh? War has never been a place for relationships to start or finish, but we all did it anyway. Just take a look at all of us, suffering unnecessarily."

"I guess you're right. We were all children back then, what did we understand about the reality of life? Nothing. We all lived in our own perfect little worlds. Happiness belonged to us, but we have lost so much since then." Miriallia pointed out, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Yeah, we were children, and sometimes I still feel like a petulant child. I guess we just grew up too fast. There is no way to get back the time we lost. We can no longer be children and hide under a rock. We all have responsibilities now." Cagalli was trying hard not to let her tears show, but it wasn't working.

"How did this conversation go so astray?" Miriallia asked suddenly. "We were talking about boyfriends!" She said, wiping off her remaining tears and forcing a smile.

Cagalli gave her a teary smile, "Dunno, but you can be friends with whatshisface, can't you?"

"His name is Dearka, and I guess we could be friends, it wasn't as if we really had a serious relationship to begin with." Said Miriallia bringing the conversation back to men.

"Ah, but seriously Mir, there really isn't many men I can chose from. I think I'll just remain single forever."

"Hahahahahahahahaha" Miriallia mocked a laugh. "I can imagine that."


	11. Chapter 11

Anybody that was ever worth it was gone. She felt suddenly alone even if she was surrounded by many people that loved her. That conversation with Miriallia had brought to surface many feelings.

Maybe marriage wasn't for her. She never saw herself as a housewife, but not alone either. She felt suddenly hurt. People she cared about were gone; men that she might have given a chance were not there.

One was dead, and the other one was just not present. But even if he were there, he only brought her pain. Now she wanted to find someone.

Why did he good people have to die? Her dear friend whom she had met in the desert was dead. If he was still alive, something could've happened. Now the other one, she knew where that was going. Love, plain and simple. Nonetheless she felt relieved. Hurting meant that she was willing to let go, feeling relieved about hurting showed her, her determination. She smiled. It really was time to move on, but everyone home only saw her as their princess, not a normal human girl.

'I can't think about that. Ahmed is dead and the other one might just as well be dead too.' She thought.

"I really hope you are happy." She voiced out loud.

"Hope for who's happiness?" a very familiar voice asked.

Turning from the window, the blood drained from her face.

"You!" she said in a hoarse whisper.

"I can finally return this to you." He said handing her back the amulet she had given him long ago. An amulet given to her by her late friend Ahmed.

"Wha…What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I came to ask you if you are still willing to take me back?" he asked, solemnly.

She was at a lost for words. What could she say? This was something that she had hoped would happen, but now that it was happening she didn't know how to react. Should she cry, laugh, scream, be angry?

He could see all those emotions running through her face and it worried him. Would she be willing to give him another chance?

"Cagalli?"

"I…I…Idiot."

"Then..?"

"What can I say? Idiot, idiot, idiot!"

"I know, I have been an idiot. You can insult me all you want, I deserve it."

"Of course you deserve it! How can you come back like that! How can you expect me to just say everything is fine! How!"

He lowered his gaze; it would have been too easy to have her accept him just like that. "So, everything is broken?"

She stopped mid-rant. "Broken? Nothing has been broken yet, idiot. But it will all depend on you."

He was relieved to hear that. "Then…"

"We can take this easy and slowly, but are you sure? I don't want to go through all this again."

"I don't think I've ever been surer of anything in my life."

"Then we have a deal." She said, embracing him.

"Yes a deal. I promise that I will never hurt you again." His tears mingled with hers as they hugged each other tightly, as if to never lose each other again.


End file.
